I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
