Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
