Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
