if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
