turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
