she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize