You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
