and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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