I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
