I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
