I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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