There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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