your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
