do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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