I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
