I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
