I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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