and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
