Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
