I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
