Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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