i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
