Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
