Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
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Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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