Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
