WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
