HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
