I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
