he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
