I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
