meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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