Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
