Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
