It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
