I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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