walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
