So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
