i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
