We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need a beard to bite.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
