You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
