Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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