mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
