uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
