I think i peed on brittanys purse
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
