Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
