Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
