Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
