I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
