tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
