Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
