I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
