You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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