Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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