Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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