You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
