I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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