This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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