grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
