there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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