the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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