you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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