Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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