I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
