Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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