Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
