I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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