We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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