I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
