thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
