You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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