she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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