He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
