Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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