I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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