I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
