I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
