Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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